Me? AuDHD? Awakening

It's the first episode of Season 2 and we’re shedding light on a quiet awakening—a new understanding of what it means to be AuDHD. It’s a term that refers to the co-existence of both Autism and ADHD in a person and it’s something that’s only fairly recently beginning to be increasingly recognized, particularly in women. 

Listen in as Andrea Urquhart shares about the recent rise in compassionate understanding about this and what the experience of realising your neurodivergence has been hidden in plain sight your whole life can be like.

This episode is for everyone - whether you're neurodivergent or not. It's an opportunity to understand the shift in knowledge and recognition that many women have been struggling their whole life with AuDHD without knowing. 

AuDHD women have been feeling the push and pull of being both too much and not enough, experiencing regular emotional, mental and physical booms and busts, feeling misunderstood and also misunderstanding their own struggles. Now, they're beginning to ask the question: Me? AuDHD?

Listen now to learn and understand a little more.

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Transcript

Welcome to the Strengthen Live Podcast! I'm your host, Andrea Urquhart. This is the place for trailblazing, empathetic leaders who are also recovering people pleasers! If you have a big heart and your passion is supporting others to change their lives for the better, find home and belonging here.

Today, we’re starting season 2 of the Strengthen Live Podcast and we’re shedding light on a quiet awakening—a new understanding of what it means to be AuDHD. It’s a term that refers to the co-existence of both Autism and ADHD in a person and it’s something that’s only fairly recently beginning to be increasingly recognized, particularly in women. 

So today, we’re going to explore some facts, a little bit of research, and think about the lived experiences of so many women who have been silently navigating the complexities of both Autism and ADHD without even knowing it.

And I’m one of those. 

Until 2013, Autism and ADHD couldn’t be diagnosed together. Just think about that for a moment: for years, people with both conditions were left with incomplete diagnoses, often misdiagnosed with anxiety, depression, or other conditions as well. Many women, particularly those who had been diagnosed with one or the other—Autism or ADHD—were unaware that the traits they struggled with were part of a broader, more complex neurodivergent experience. 

 So it wasn’t until the release of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th edition, fondly known as the DSM-5, that the medical community began to officially recognize that these two conditions can co-occur.

Now, this shift in the understanding of neurodiversity is still relatively new, and as a result, many women who were diagnosed years ago are now awakening to the reality that they too could be AuDHD. 

It’s a quiet revolution, but one that’s growing louder every day. Women with both Autism and ADHD have often been overlooked in research and healthcare, as much of the focus has been on male presentations of these conditions. The vast majority of research used to recognize and understand Autism and ADHD has been built on studies focused primarily on boys and men—whose experiences often look quite different than those of women.

Researchers such as Samantha Hiew of ADHD Girls are leading the move for increased research and understanding on the impact or AuDHD in women and the diagnosis of it, including understanding how female hormones and biology affect the challenges of AuDHD.

The traditional bias in research has meant that the signs of Autism and ADHD in women were, for a long time, misinterpreted. They were minimized, or outright ignored. Women, often more adept at masking or adapting to social expectations, may have been perceived as "shy" when in reality, they were quietly struggling with sensory overload, executive dysfunction, and the social nuances that many women face in trying to fit in.

Cultural stigma also plays a role in this invisibility. Society’s rigid expectations about how women should behave—often nurturing, organized, and emotionally attuned—don’t leave much room for difference. For those of us who don’t fit those molds exactly, the world can seem like a constant balancing act. The cultural stigma against “being different” can make it feel like a personal failure rather than a neurodivergent trait. So many women have internalised their undiagnosed AuDHD as that gutting feeling of not being enough and being too much all at once. An inner tussle that they have lived with, fallen under and risen above their whole lives.

But the imbalance of research and understanding about neurodivergence in women is slowly  changing, and in recent years, the voices of women who are AuDHD have been rising with increasing strength. Research is beginning to reflect the unique ways that Autism and ADHD occurs and shows itself in women.

This is an awakening—an unveiling of truth that is long overdue. And across the globe, women are beginning to realize that they are not alone in their struggles. Women in the neurodivergent community are coming together, sharing their stories, and demanding better recognition of their experiences. And it’s not just about the challenges; it’s about recognizing the beauty, intelligence, creativity, and resilience that these women have developed as they’ve navigated a world that has often felt out of sync with them.

There’s a growing body of research now focused specifically on how Autism and ADHD interact in women. Scholars and advocates are increasingly raising awareness that these women have been quietly struggling for years—navigating life with both brilliance and difficulty, often without knowing why. This awakening is giving many women the language to understand themselves in a way they’ve never have before, allowing them to access the support and strategies they need to thrive. And it’s not just research that’s rising—it’s the voices of women in every corner of society, from online communities to public spaces, in playgrounds, over the water cooler, speaking out and finding solidarity in shared experience.

As I already work with neurodivergent women, it’s been a natural development for me to train as one of the first certified AuDHD coaches. I wanted more understanding of the patterns I notice and the challenges my clients bring to me when they’re working on their relationship with themselves, their productivity and their business building and leadership.

The more I learn, the more I understand both them, and myself. In this next season of the Strengthen Live podcast, I’ll be creating a space where we can honour the experiences of people who are neurodivergent. But that doesn’t mean that the whole conversation will be about neurodivergence in itself. The topics I’ve already been sharing on in previous episodes are all ones that relate to the push and pull that AuDHDers experience as well as being ones that everyone can experience too.

In episodes to come, within the podcast, I’m simply going to include speaking truthfully and compassionately about the challenges that AuDHD women face. But you’re also going to be hearing about the strengths and gifts that come with being neurodivergent. This is a place where you can find home and belonging, where you’re not alone, and where the complexities of living as an AuDHD woman or anyone with AuDHD for that fact, are met with empathy, knowledge, and understanding.

AuDHD Coaches don’t diagnose, but we do know about both Autism and ADHD and how having both actually creates a very different set of challenges as their traits interplay with each other in a unique way in each person.

But what I also want to say is please don’t stop following the podcast if you don’t relate to AuDHD because odds are that someone in your life or under your leadership does have AuDHD. The more you know about it, the more you might spot when signposting them to support or coaching with someone who understands the “push and pull” of these traits can help that person with their self-acceptance, authentic performance and learning to regulate themselves when they’re challenged, and to unleash their unique strengths as well.

And besides, we’re still talking about navigating being big hearted, empathetic leaders and professionals. So, consider this a heart enlarging podcast series!

So, if you’ve ever felt like you’ve been quietly struggling, like there’s a piece of the puzzle missing, or like you didn’t quite fit the mould that society has set for women, I invite you to join me on this journey too. Let’s explore together. Let’s uncover the truth, the challenges, and the beautiful complexity of what being an AuDHD woman is like.

As we continue on this journey, I want to take a moment to emphasize something. Neurodiversity refers to the fact that humanity is made up of a people who think in different ways. Whoever you are, neurodiversity includes you. Being neurodivergent, on the other hand, refers to people whose brains function differently from the “typical” neurotypical brain. You could be neurotypical, or you could be neurodivergent – but you can’t be both. That is diversity.

Listen up because this next bit is very important—every neurodivergent woman and every neurodivergent person is unique. 

I know, it sounds like a simple statement, doesn’t it? But it carries profound weight. Just because you know someone who shares the same diagnosis—whether it's Autism, ADHD, or both—doesn’t mean that your experience will mirror theirs. Each of us walks our own path, shaped by a combination of our neurodivergent traits, our personalities, our environments, and the relationships we’ve formed along the way.

The way Autism and ADHD occur in women can be as varied as women themselves. Some of us may experience intense sensory sensitivities, while others may have challenges with attention and focus that look different than the stereotype we often associate with ADHD for example. Some may camouflage or mask their emotions and social struggles, while others may openly express their frustrations – and they may do both of these but in differing situations. That push and pull again!

The beauty of neurodivergence lies in this incredible diversity. And if you’re wondering about colleagues or friends or relatives, don’t compare them to anybody else. Just see them as the unique individual that they are. 

This is why it's so important to approach your own discovery with patience and an open mind. The journey of understanding yourself as AuDHD is deeply personal, and it unfolds in layers. When we hear the term awakening, it might sound like a sudden revelation, but it often happens more slowly, more subtly. It can begin with a feeling—a sense that something has always been out of sync, a quiet knowing that something about the way you’ve experienced the world doesn’t quite fit the narrative you were taught to follow. And when you finally put a name to it—when you start to understand that you’re not alone, that you’re not broken, but that your neurodivergence has always been a part of you—it can be both a relief and a revelation.

For me, it was my own neurodivergent children who kicked off this process when they simply said: “Mum, you do know you’re autistic yourself don’t you? You’ve been deeply masking for years.”

It was a bit of a shock at first – especially because I had lived experience of neurodivergence in young women in my very own household! But oh, my days, as I decided to live with the idea of being autistic for a couple of weeks, noticing and reflecting, things began to unravel and I realised they were actually right. Not only that, but the ADHD parts also made themselves known! I could clearly see them and it’s been a fragile, deep, affirming and empowering journey for me personally to live with this knowledge for some time now and begin to compassionately recognise myself as AuDHD. I’ll share more about that in future episodes – and maybe even in a little book, we’ll see!

For many women, this awakening is not just about a diagnosis or label. It’s about revisiting key moments in our past. Moments that we now understand differently because we see them through the lens of AuDHD. Perhaps it’s remembering how, as a child, you struggled to keep up with the demands of school, feeling frustrated and misunderstood, but not knowing why. Or that despite your academic potential, you’ve often been a “disappointment” in terms of your squiggly career or not coping with the performance pressure of exams. Or maybe it’s reflecting on relationships where you’ve felt out of step with others, unable to explain why you were struggling to connect, even though you wanted to or why it took you longer to process what was actually happening in a relationship. Looking back at the ways you coped with challenges by masking, by pretending, or by working harder than others to keep up—it all starts to make sense in a new light. And everybody’s experience is different.

There’s also a strong correlation between AuDHD women and being in sexually abusive situations, and it can take a while for an AuDHD woman to make her way out of an abusive relationship of any kind.

Many women with autism are often diagnosed later in life, and many of them report having struggled for years without understanding why. They may have been told that they were shy, anxious, or just “too much” to handle. But when they finally receive an autism diagnosis, it feels like everything clicks into place. It’s like piecing together a puzzle that’s been unfinished for years—suddenly, your experiences feel validated, and you start to see your past and yourself with new eyes.

This awakening often takes us back to pivotal moments in our lives—those times when we felt “different,” even though we didn’t have the words to express it. We may revisit old friendships or romantic relationships and this journey of discovery isn’t always easy—it can be filled with emotion, with a mixture of relief and sadness, as we come to terms with how long it took to understand ourselves.

And of course, that Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria I mentioned in the previous episode called Rejection Recoil suddenly makes so much sense. For me, hearing about that was one of the pieces that helped me see that I also have ADHD traits as well as Autistic ones. And then, of course, all those ADHD traits became super obvious too!

This unravelling is also empowering. As we go back and look at our past with this new knowledge, we begin to see patterns we couldn’t recognize before. We realize that AuDHD didn’t suddenly appear—it’s always been there, hidden in plain sight, silently influencing how we’ve navigated the world. It’s in the way we’ve adapted, in the strategies we’ve created to survive, and in the beautiful resilience we’ve developed to keep going. For many of us, this discovery is not just a path to self-acceptance, but also to self-compassion.

Research has also highlighted how neurodivergent women often face heightened levels of anxiety, depression, and social isolation due to years of masking, camouflaging and struggling with their identity. But this rising wave of awareness is helping us reclaim our narratives, find solidarity with others who share simliar experiences, and it helps us to begin to embrace our AuDHD identity. It’s an awakening that’s not only happening in individuals, but on a global scale, with more and more women advocating for recognition and support.

This journey of understanding ourselves as AuDHD is also a journey of reclaiming our power rather than shrinking back. It’s about understanding that our unique way of being isn’t a flaw or something to hide—it’s part of who we are. And as more women open up about their experiences, we’re creating a ripple effect, helping others feel seen and heard. For every woman who has ever felt that her struggles were invisible, this awakening is a quiet revolution. We’re finally starting to see that being AuDHD isn’t something to endure—it’s something to understand, to embrace, and to celebrate.

So, if you’re in the midst of your own journey of discovery, remember this: You’re not alone. Your experiences, your struggles, and your triumphs are all part of a larger movement. Your awakening is not just about understanding your past, but also about embracing the beautiful, intelligent, and multifaceted person that you’ve always been. 

AuDHD has always been there, hidden in plain sight—but now, it’s time to let the world see it for what it truly is.

If you are exploring your own neurodivergency, know that it’s okay to take your time, to revisit your past, and to be gentle and compassionate with yourself as you navigate this awakening. And if you’re finding this episode helpful, do subscribe, share it with someone who might benefit, and let’s continue to raise awareness and change this narrative together. 

And if you’re someone who doesn’t identify as neurodivergent but you’re beginning to think about a friend or relative you think may be AuDHD, it’s not any of our roles to diagnose. We’ll leave that to the professionals. But sharing this podcast with those people who you’re thinking about, if you think they’re open to that, may help open up a conversation. Now, I don’t recommend saying: “Hey! I think you’re AuDHD!” But instead simply say something like “I found this interesting, what do you think?”. No pressure, okay.

As I mentioned, I’m training at the moment as an AuDHD coach at the moment. I’m training with Leanne Maskell of ADHD to be one of the first certified AuDHD coaches. We use a structured framework that is trademarked called the AuDHD Paradox Coaching Framework and despite the structure, it’s also a very personalised coaching experience for coachees. I currently have a significantly reduced price coaching offer in return for giving me permission to create an anonymous cased study. However, you can also access this coaching with me without being a case study client – also at lower rates than my usual pricing for new clients.

If you’re someone who has been wanting coaching with me but doesn’t want AuDHD coaching, that’s cool too! I don’t just do AuDHD coaching. You’re welcome for personalised, leadership, inner story and confidence coaching any time – and you too can enjoy my new, lower priced introductory rates.

So pop to strengthenlive.com or for the AuDHD coaching pop you’ll want strengthenlive.com/audhdcoaching to request a callback and book a discovery call with me. Please keep an eye on wherever you request me to contact you back (email or messages) as that’s the way I will contact you – I do respecti your data preferences.

Okay. Until next time, please take care, and why not take your time to reflect on celebrating your own uniqueness? Wheter you’re neurodivergent or not, what’s your relationship with yourself like? Do you embrace who you are?

And if you’re AuDHD or awakening to that great blend of traits within you, know this: You are beautifully, wonderfully, and uniquely AuDHD and you’re very welcome here.

Thank you so much for joining me today and I’m looking forward to welcoming you next time for the second episode in series two of Strengthen Live!