Neuro Unique Founders

   We are not carbon copies of each other. Neurodivergent people may share diagnoses on paper that seem very similar or have the same names. We may resonate with similar traits or challenges – whether diagnosed or not. But how those things show up—in our businesses, our relationships, our growth, and our emotional wellbeing—is totally and profoundly unique to each of us.

Today, we’re exploring the myth of the “neurodivergent mold” and why every neurodivergent business woman is uniquely wired for her own path: Neuro Unique Founders.

Listen is as Andrea Urquhart, professional Emotion & Positive Psychology coach, specialising in working with neurodivergent women, shares about the importance for neurodivergent founders and anyone helping them professionally to embrace their neuro uniqueness.

Thanks for joining me today! If you've had an "Aha!" moment whilst listening today, click subscribe to add Strengthen Live to your favourite podcasts.

Click through to https://strengthenlive.com to discover more about online courses, coaching and training with me. I have a special interest in coaching neuro-divergent, professional women. If you're looking for a coach who sees you as an individual, you've found her!

If you're awakening to your neuro-divergent traits or already have a diagnosis and are looking for a reflective and encouraging 1:1 or group coaching experience: Visit my website to request a call-back or message me on LinkedIn.

Join my Strengthen Live email community here where you can also opt in to receive emails about these Strengthen Live podcasts.

Transcript

Welcome to the Strengthen Live Podcast! I'm your host, Andrea Urquhart. This is the place for trailblazing, empathetic leaders who are also recovering people pleasers! If you have a big heart and your passion is supporting others to change their lives for the better, find home and belonging here.

Hey! Wecome back! Today, we're diving into a message that’s close to my heart and deeply embedded in my work as a coach and mentor for trailblazing, neurodivergent founders, campaigners and wellbeing professionals.

 And the message is this: If you’ve met one neurodivergent business owner… you’ve only met “one” neurodivergent business owner.

 That’s it! And if that’s a mic drop for you then listen on! And if it’s something that you’ve already known and already suspected then let’s unpack this very simple but actually far-reaching truth together today.

We are not carbon copies of each other. 

So, neurodivergent people may share diagnoses on paper that seem very similar or have the same names. We may resonate with similar traits or challenges – whether diagnosed or not. But how those things show up—in our business, our relationships, our growth, and our emotional wellbeing—is totally and profoundly unique to each of us.

So, we’re exploring the myth of the “neurodivergent mold” and why every neurodivergent business woman is uniquely wired for her own path.

Let’s start with this: A diagnosis is a “starting point”, it’s not an absolute definition. It’s the launchpad for discovery and rediscovery.

Two women with ADHD for example, you’d think they'd both get distracted by shiny new objects, right?  

Well, maybe for one, it’s ideas that spin off in a thousand directions.  

Whereas for another, it’s people—new connections, conversations, potential partnerships.  

And another – it might be those additional qualifications, those ways to increase their knowledge and understanding and more certificates to put on their wall and letters behind their name. Each one a shiny new object!

The challenge is the same on paper: distraction. But the object, the attraction, the impact? They’re totally different for each woman.

And that means the solutions have to be different too. What works for one might fall completely flat for the other.

And let’s talk about camouflaging for a minute. If you’re autistic, you might already know what I mean.

Camouflaging is that thing we do to appear “typical.” Masking our natural behaviours, mirroring others, putting a version of ourselves out there that we’ve learned is more palatable to the world or gets us results.

For one woman, this might actually help her navigate business spaces successfully. And for another, that same camouflage might be leading her straight into burnout or even a mental health crisis.

The outside might look similar. The action may have the same name: Camouflage, Masking, Assimilation. But the internal experience? Vastly different. And there’s a vastly different backstory going on inside each woman too.

So what about when you’re more than one label?

Now let’s stir the pot even more: What happens when you’re navigating both Autism and ADHD? (We call this AudHD)

 “Hello, paradox! Hello, push and pull!”

 You can crave both routine and novelty.  

You can need downtime along with stimulation—often within the same hour. Perhaps even moment to moment.

One day, the strategies that work feel like “Whoa! This is amazing!”  

The next day? They feel useless and ineffective. Maybe even making things worse.

Next week? They might work again. Or not. Surprise there!

And it’s not just daily rhythm—it’s seasonal. Hormonal. Emotional. All the layers there. There’s no “one-size-fits-most” system for someone who is literally dancing with complexity every single day.

However, there are personalised systems that we can develop and there is understanding about both ADHD and Autistic traits and the paradox of the push and pull these create in a single individual.

It’s common for me to hear stories in Discovery Calls with clients where they share how they’ve shelled out a lot of money or invested a lot of time and energy in groups and on programmes that promise big business results and “proven strategies”, only to get to the end disappointed and feeling that nothing seems to work for them.

So let’s talk about the trap of comparison as well, that feeling “Too much” and “Not enough” as well.

This is where it gets real.

It’s so easy for neurodivergent women in business to look around and wonder why what seems to work for everyone else isn’t working for them.

Why that planner, that strategy, that mastermind group, or that content calendar just doesn’t stick.

And what happens next? 

We start internalizing it. 

We think maybe we’re the problem.  

Maybe we’re too much. 

Or not enough.

But let me say this gently but clearly.

So listen up. If this is you:

 You are not broken.  

You are not behind.  

You are not too much and it’s not true that you’re not enough.  

You are you. And that is your power.

 I’m gonna say that one more time:

You are not broken.  

You are not behind.  

You are not too much and it’s not true that you’re not enough.  

You are you. And that is your power.

 It’s really good for us to remember that.

So why don’t cookie cutter coaching and programme approaches work very well for neurodivergents or work for just a while? 

It's because, as I said at the beginning, if you’ve met one neurodivergent business owner… you’ve only met “one” neurodivergent business owner.

Personalisation. Individual understanding is key. And it starts with understanding your own needs and making space for them alongside routines and exceptions that actually work for you. 

This is because every neurodivergent brain is different. No matter whether you have the same diagnosis and apparent needs as someone else, what that looks life for you is different. You’re unique.

In my work with neurodivergent founders, not one—not one—has followed the same path to success.

Communication styles? Different.  

Motivation needs? Different. 

Procrastination triggers? Very different.  

Confidence and self-trust? Built differently.

And this is why one-size-fits-all coaching, productivity hacks, and even some wellbeing advice fall flat for neurodivergent people.

We need tools and support systems that honour our uniqueness.  

Not suppress it and not bypass it.  

Honour it.

 So, this is my message to every neurodivergent founder: 

There is so much beauty in being you. Even if things feel and are messy in parts, there is also magnificence within you and within how you work when you’re in flow, when you're unleashing that magnificence.

There is magnificence in the way your brain works.  

There is brilliance in your non-linear path.  

And there is deep wisdom in the way you’re navigating your business and life—even if it feels messy or inconsistent right now.

And there is more wisdom to be found.

The way you experience your neurodivergence? It holds information. It holds creative power. And it holds momentum—when you learn to work with it and not against it. That’s when things get really exciting!

Now that we see and honour that individuality, the nuance, the paradox, the brilliance... the natural next question is:

Well, what kind of support actually helps? What do neurodivergent founders really need to thrive and actually step through the challenges that they experience?

Here’s what I’ve seen again and again in my work:

Firstly, permission to be fully themselves.

Have you given yourself permission if you’re neurodivergent to be fully yourself? And if you're working with people who are neurodivergent, do you give them permission to be fully themselves or are you trying to fit them into a cookie cutter mold?

Before the strategies, before the scheduling apps, before the “how-to” guides—what ND founders really need is that permission.
Permission to unmask in a safe environment. To slow down. To speed up. To do business their way, in their rhythm, with their values.
It sounds simple, but that validation? It’s really life-changing.

And often, less is more.

ND founders need flexible systems—not rigid rules. And we need support that evolves with our energy, seasons, cycles, and emotional bandwidth at any time.

Without accountability, it might mean building in rest by default – and I highly recommend that! It might mean switching tools, experimenting, ditching something when it stops serving.

And yet at the same time, there is that need for consistency because consistency builds momentum. And this is one of the biggest challenges for neurodivergent business owners.

What works really well is creating default routines and also giving permission for permitted exceptions. And I mentioned this approach in the episode on Boundaries. If you’re someone who listens regularly, you’ll remember that I spoke about creating boundaries as that container for our wellbeing but creating those exceptions within them as gates of compassion rather than having leaky boundaries.

And this approach works in other areas of our lives as well, creating those routines that help as boundaries for us and also creating those gates of compassion where we can have those permitted exceptions. Because life isn’t a single cookie cutter experience is it?! And once the exception has happened, then the aim is to default back to the routine. So once we’ve used that gate of compassion for the boundaries for example, it’s default back to our regular boundaries. Same with routines.

But routines can’t be prescribed by others for you, and that’s why cookie cutter programmes don’t work. They’re more effective when you’ve worked on them personally and, of course, with a coach or therapist or mentor who knows how to help you create the routines that are right for you in the season you’re in now. And because you’re unique, there’ll be a whole back story to why that particular default routine works for you.

So, the other thing, as I’ve just mentioned are coaches, mentors, therapists who get it and get you. They get not just “get” business but they also get and understand neurodivergence and its individuality. And not just people who “get” neurodivergence, but who truly understand the emotional layers—like shame, imposter syndrome, rejection sensitivity, creative overdrive, monotropism and burnout cycles – and how these show up and interact within neurodivergent people. Just because someone “knows about” psychology for example, doesn’t necessarily mean that they know enough to truly empower you as a neurodivergent person. 

So please take care! Remember our episode on the Drama Triangle? It’s easy for well-meaning professionals to actually make things more complicated simply because they are working through a neuro-typical lens. And that person supporting you really should be trained in neurodivergence. It helps if they’re trauma-aware and identity-affirming, and of course that they have that human-first approach. Because for neurodivergent founders, business isn’t just business—it’s deeply personal.

Another thing that’s really important to create and give yourself permission for is space to process - without pressure.
So many neurodivergent founders need more space. Not just physical space, but that cognitive, that mental space to think things through. And the emotional space: Time to process, to integrate and to pivot. 

And I think that’s also another reason why sometimes joining programmes that have been created more with neurotypical people in mind can be so difficult to keep up with, because the space that a neurodivergent person may need isn’t necessarily built into this pacey programme that somebody has paid a lot of money to be going through alongside other people.
We might do our best work after the call ends. Or come alive in the middle of the night with an idea that redefines our direction and we need people in our corner who trust that process and don’t rush us through it.

And equally, if you are somebody who tends to rush and loves risk taking then it’s great to have people in your corner who understand how to talk to you about what causes you to rush and risk take and to help you maybe just step back a little more sometimes so that your rushing and risk taking actually builds really conscious, targeted momentum.

You’re also likely to need longer term accountability if you're neurodivergent and support with bursts of more intensive support in seasons when you’re hungry for that and you know you need it. This is because burnout is a higher factor for neurodivergent people- especially neurodivergent founders - so learning to pace yourself in business and work with your energy and cycles is extra important for you.

And of course, that sense of belonging which is so important for neurodivergent people who experience so much loneliness and  really are looking for spaces and people where they feel that they belong, community that actually has some really necessary boundaries can be a great support space for you.

And these don’t necessarily need to be big and loud and  "always-on" communities because these can be overwhelming and a distraction all at once – so many voices making suggestions and speaking into your life. 

It could be a small circle of like-minded women who share resources, celebrate wins, and hold space. Or it could be a facilitated community, a community for a season or a community that’s for a longer term.

And crucially—communities where you don’t have to show up every day to still belong. That’s how I’ve designed my So It’s Not Just Me Then?! Group Coaching model that I’m getting ready to launch.

So let me say this too, because it’s important to understand: 

Support isn’t about fixing. We are not fixing people. If you are neurodivergent, you do not need fixing. This is about freeing you, freeing you to understand yourself and to understand what you need to grow as a founder and to grow your business.

It’s about creating space for ND founders to build their version of success, on their terms, in a way that feels sustainable and true.

You are not too complex -
You just need support that respects your complexity.

Shall we say that one again as well? 

You are not too complex  for support.
But what you do need is support that respects your complexity.

So it is really common for people to have a fix it mentality around business. And especially these days, the way that marketing goes, one that just wants to find the solution to the current problem – and oh my days! There are plenty of people out there looking to "tell and sell", to every business owner, that one thing that believe will fix their sales or branding or pipeline! 

Please know that it’s never just that one thing that they’re trying to sell you!

And I’ve seen a lot, as well, that when you’re neurodivergent, you’re also quite vulnerable sometimes to suggestion from other people that this one thing will be the thing that will make everything work. It’s easy to feel a sense of urgency to buy into something that actually may not necessarily be fitted to you.

But despite your complexity, solutions for neurodivergent founders are actually quite simple! They include simple routines and habit building and more self-aware understanding of yourself, uniquely.

And that’s what I really love about the advanced AuDHD coach training that I’m currently underway in with Leanne Maskell of ADHD works because it just so perfectly dovetails into the approach that I’ve had with the women that I coach. And it’s bringing me exra insight and extra tools in how to work with trailblazing l founders and leaders. I’m really excited about this! 

So yes: If you’ve met one neurodivergent business owner… you’ve only met “one” neurodivergent business owner. And if you are one, you are unique!

And here’s that gentle reminder again:

You are not broken.  

You are not behind.  

You are not too much or and it's not true that you're not enough.  

You are you. And that is your power, and you are filled to the brim and overflowing with strengths.

If today’s episode has resonated with you—or if you’re feeling maybe seen for the first time in a while—I invite you to stay connected with me. You can connect with me on LinkedIn – you don’t need to just follow, you can just connect, that’s no problem. Subscribe, join the Strengthen Live podcast email list or go and check out strengthenlive.com/audhdcoaching to discover how to work one to one with me, if that’s something that you’re interested in.

So, let’s unearth your own unique way of thriving in business. So, whoever you’re working with, what you’re really looking for is somebody that you feel safe with, that you don’t feel hurried or rushed with and somebody who is helping you to understand yourself in a way that really resonates with you – and that you are part of that conversation yourself as well.

And you? You’re not too much. You’re not too little and you are overflowing with strengths!

Thank you so much for joining me today and I look forward to welcoming you next time. Meanwhile, stay bold, stay soft and gentle, and stay wildly and wonderfully you. As you think on your own uniqueness, ask yourself what your strengths are and celebrate those today!